For Jason

Everything else just seems so pointless. It’s like I’m living in 2 lives right now. The business me, and the real me. The real me wanted to go home today, and give sapun a big hug. And just be there with him. But the business me won that battle, and I’m not sure how because it all seemed so seamless.

And the real me seems to be waking up right now, but it’s too late. I have to go now, and I can’t be at home with him even though he needs me so so badly right now. Everyone else is with him, but me. I feel inhuman.

I want to turn it on and off but mostly I’m just in shock. How can a good person just go in such a terrible way? Why would something like that happen? Why even bother trying to live a good life if you have to endure so much pain? On the other hand, why not live a more meaningful life?

Great. Now I have to board a plane but I want nothing more than to stay here. In a chair, surrounded by frozen time.

I want to move back home.