For Jason

Everything else just seems so pointless. It’s like I’m living in 2 lives right now. The business me, and the real me. The real me wanted to go home today, and give sapun a big hug. And just be there with him. But the business me won that battle, and I’m not sure how because it all seemed so seamless.

And the real me seems to be waking up right now, but it’s too late. I have to go now, and I can’t be at home with him even though he needs me so so badly right now. Everyone else is with him, but me. I feel inhuman.

I want to turn it on and off but mostly I’m just in shock. How can a good person just go in such a terrible way? Why would something like that happen? Why even bother trying to live a good life if you have to endure so much pain? On the other hand, why not live a more meaningful life?

Great. Now I have to board a plane but I want nothing more than to stay here. In a chair, surrounded by frozen time.

I want to move back home.

Turbo Kickboxing?

Today, I had a 1980s experience, complete with a skinny man in spandex doing jumping jacks and screaming at the sweaty cubicle-dwellers behind him to jump! cross punch! cross kick! forwards! backwards! twist around! as fast and perkily as we could!! I could have sworn this stuff died 20 years ago.

I am so never going back. The only workout I got (I apologize in advance for being a workout snob here) was sweating because it was so damn hot in the room. But my heart rate? Still snoozin'. Now I know, I must spin, and only spin, from here on out.

Note to self: be extremely choosy about aerobics classes.

The miracle of adrenaline

It always amazes me how powerful an adrenaline rush is. I'll be at my absolute most irritable, and a few spurts of speed and an hour of losing myself in a big park later - I'm more relaxed than I can remember. Nothing against spas, massages, and relaxing mixtures of potpourri, but nothing else in the world gives me that feeling of total freedom from worry.

This morning, every tiny thing set me off. And now... who cares!

And that is just one small reason why I love to run.