Strength

Why is it, that you can instantly be transported back to a time where you were so unsure of yourself that you feel like you have stepped back to another time, just like that? I think that high school crushes just never go away, even if the underlying reasons they would never have worked didn’t change either. It’s just one of those funny things about life, I guess. It makes me all the more grateful for the stable love that I have found, that makes me crazy excited and get butterflies… but maintain my feet on the floor despite where my heart is going. The high school crush never had that effect. Some people just have a charming way, this way of making you feel like you are the only and most interesting person in the room… and can just as quickly switch modes to the truth. You aren’t, as much as you’d like to be. So get over it, and look at why you feel the need to be raised up to that level of importance. And that’s where you need to focus on making yourself stronger.

There’s something about a new year that always gets me newly excited about the possibilities I have in my life. And though I go back and forth so much about whether or not to go through with school or not… the more I look at the big picture, the more I know that I have to do this. I need to see the bigger picture in my life. I won’t be in IT forever. I want to make more of an impact on the world than that, and there’s only so much I can do in software that will help me get there. There are risks that I need to be willing to take. And I can’t be afraid to talk openly about these.

And, it’s exciting. I love trying new things, and though it will be a significant challenge, I want to see how I will do. I know that no one will tell me to do one of the things over another, and that I need to make the decision and stand firm. I know that I need an adventure this year, and maybe one of a different kind.

New Year’s Resolution: to do one spontaneous thing every month. Does that mean it is no longer spontaneous? Well… I’ll work on that. I need to learn to let go, move faster, simplify, and hold myself accountable. This year will be full of stress, and life, and laughter, and unhappiness – and I want to learn how to embrace all of those things.

Starting, NOW.

Dear All Salespeople,

I hate you. Yes, all of you. You're in sales, and you will thusly have terrible, terrible karma, if the world has any sense of fairness.

You suck.

Hugs!
Anika

Insomnia

It's been a long time since work stressed me out to the point of not being able to sleep. But, it could also be late-afternoon coffee. Who knows. In any case, awake late on a Wednesday isn't good for anyone, especially if I have to deal with more angry customers or inadequate salespeople tomorrow. Hopefully I'm getting better at this 'assertiveness' thing. I can feel it already. So that's good.

Love

It's just so damn awesome.

Control Freak?

I didn't think I was, really. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I'm the crazy one.

Is it so wrong to want change in your life, to want to move on to the next stage? Isn't that part of growing up?

It's like there's a dead weight attached to me, and I'm constantly convincing myself that it makes sense to keep trudging along when maybe it makes sense to cut it free for a while. And then it may learn how to walk alone. Or not...

And most things will never ever change, which is the most worrying thing.

Pictures!

Picasa is so cool.

Week 1: India

I have a pounding headache. It's easy to forget, once you get used to things like personal space and quiet tree-lined streets, that there's a whole other world out there, where traffic rules don't exist (the Rule of the Honk reigns supreme) and the cars on the road send dust into the far reaches of one's throat. Only a few days later, and the quiet is just as odd.

We've been from one market to another, indoors and outdoors, and even to an Indian mall. It's the season of festivals here, which means lots of shopping opportunities and even more pujas. There are festivals every day, celebrating at least one faith. The biggest event culminates today, the end of the 9-day Navratri festival and celebration of the destruction of Lord Ravan, during the *original* epic hero's journey / love story, the Ramayana. For another 2 weeks, dancers will perform the Ramlila ballet, shoot off firecrackers, and generally revel during the cooler weather. It's magic like I've never seen...